ahaha This is how I felt when I heard about the seizures. I was Mr Grumpy Gils. I wish I felt more like Dory. They put me in the hospital AGAIN for a 2 day EEG. The test didn't show seizures. I met with my neuro and told her I really didn't want to have to go on the seizure meds unless they were 100% positive I was having them. She said ok. We still dont know if I was really having them or not.
My arm wasnt working right so I decided one day that Brianna and I were both getting hair cuts. Everyone thought I was crazy. We chopped our hair and donated it. Brianna felt really good about giving her hair to someone who needed it. Our hair was damn hard to brush. lol This was a new life for me and Brianna. This haircut was just the beginning.
After all of this I said, screw you stroke, I am leaving lol. The video of Jill Bolte Taylor explains perfectly how you really live in the right now when you have a left sided stroke. I didnt care about anything but right now. I took off and went on a road trip with my baby girl and my girlfriend. It was probably the best thing I ever did. I needed it so bad. I needed to feel normal again. We drove down to North Carolina and stayed with my girlfriends sister for a couple days. We went down to Florida and stayed with my family for a couple days. We drove back up to North Carolina again for a couple days and then back home. My ex wasnt happy with me because i took my daughter away from him a couple days before Fathers day. Maybe I shouldnt have done it, but I needed to get away with my baby and have a good time. We both needed it. She knew everything that happened. She went through it with me. We needed that time together. We turned up the music and sang and danced in the car the whole trip. We had no worries, we made memories. That is what I needed with her. I did NOT want to come back to reality. I didnt want to come back to arguing and all of my other everyday worries.
But, back to reality I went. When we got home I was able to spend the rest of the summer with Brianna. We went to the pool everyday, we went to the park, she played with her friends. We had the break we needed.
At the end of summer, Brianna went back to school and I went back to work. I was refreshed. I thought "ok everything is back to normal now and I can do this."
I was wrong.
Everything was different. I couldnt remember important things for work. I had to write EVERYTHING down. Nothing would stay in my brain no matter how hard I tried. Its like the saying "in one ear and right out the other", that was me. I was so frustrated with myself. I used to be such a good employee. I worked really hard. I worked crazy hours. I used to get my work done and help other people with theirs. Now I could barely get half of my own work done. What the hell happened? I thought I was fine. I guess because I didn't really have to use my brain all summer I didn't notice the extent of my stroke.
I started getting written up at work. I would apologize profusely. I had no idea why i couldn't get it done. I thought that I was fine and I was disappointed in myself. I told them I would work harder. I told them i was having a hard time because of the stroke. I was learning all over again. I never felt so disappointed in myself as I did at this point in my life. I just wanted the stroke to go away and let me live a normal life. I kept telling my neuro that I was getting written up. I told her I couldn't concentrate and she said that was normal. She filled out a form for work for my disability. She told them that i could only work up to 10 hours a day and only 40 hours a week. I was only supposed to work on 2 projects at a time.Hopefully that would help save my job.
EDIT: scratch that...I just added a page of photos! Check em out! They are from our road trip! I realized after looking at the pictures that i cut my hair first. When we got back is when Brianna cut her hair. My bad...my time line is off. lolol
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