Its so funny. I haven't written in a few days because of some of the negative feedback I have gotten about my blog. I have been trying to get my thoughts together for this post. Wondering how I am going to word this without entirely ruining some of my relationships. Then I thought, are these relationships I should even care that much about?
Let me first start by saying, before i made my blog public I was full of anxiety over it. I didn't want people to feel bad for me, I didn't want people to think I was looking for sympathy. I struggled with publicly announcing that I have had a stroke. People that I have known practically my whole life didn't even know I had one. Now I let the whole world know. This was VERY hard for me to do. I EVEN POSTED THIS IN THE FIRST POST THAT I WROTE. I did it to raise awareness. That is the only reason why I did it. I sent my blog to a few friends to see what they thought about it. They all loved it and encouraged me to make it public. I even had one friend tell me that she chose an IUD instead of birth control because she is a smoker. (<3 you know who you are <3) This confirmed to me that I was doing something good. I go on rants about what I am going through in hopes that other women will start taking care of themselves before its too late. Well fuck me in the ass, I guess some people think it was a bad decision. I guess this is one of those situations that you're damned if you do and damned if you dont.
I am tired of all of the negative people in my life. Its time to do some fall cleaning. I do need support. Doesn't everyone? People have no problem coming to me and singing their songs of woe. Why is it so wrong of me to try to help other women? I think these people really need to re-examine their lives. I have never asked for help with my daughter. I have never asked for help with my medical bills. I have only asked for people to be supportive in my life. If you disagree with my writing this blog, then tell me to my face please, and please tell me why. I dont have a problem with sharing my story. I am not ashamed. I dont have to hide it. If you feel like you need to hide things, then so be it. I am proud of the fact that I am here, stronger and happier than ever. I may have huge medical bills looming over my head, but I am happy. I may have my really bad days, but I am happy. Dont piss in my Cheerios. I am finally at a point in my life where I can face this thing head on. If you dont want to support me, then GTFO.
When hurricane Irene came and devastated the town I lived in for 8 years, do you know what i did? I went grocery shopping. I bought food and bleach and water and anything else i could think of that people would need and I donated it. Can you say you would do the same thing? Even though I have those bills, I know that they will be there forever. They have been and will always be there. These people lost everything. People may say that i am stupid for spending my money on other people like that if I cant take care of my bills but you know what, fuck it. I am taking care of the bills that I can, little by little. I dont ask for help, i give help. If you want to think of me as a bad person for it then thats on you.
I have been cleaning out the negative people in my life and now more are coming out of the wood work. I am glad I know so when I face these people, I and not going in blind. I can truly say "fuck off" if you dont like it. If you love me, then love me, dont fucking judge me for this. I am going to continue to write. I am going to continue to try to help raise awareness. I do not have an ulterior motive in doing this.
I guess when they say misery loves company they are right. Don't bring me down with you. I have been through enough. I deserve to be happy and this blog makes me happy. It gives me hope that I can help other people. Obviously some people dont know me too well.
Thank you to all of my supporters. I really appreciate it. <3 <3 <3 <3
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