I get that A LOT. I am thankful for the fact that I look fine but my insides are a huge mess. I have fought this being sick stuff and I will continue to do so. I am still partially blind, my right side feels like a ton of bricks and my brain doesn't work so well. My short term memory is shot. If I have something big on my mind everything else gets pushed out of my brain and I forget to do whatever else I had to do or conversations I had. So weird. I used to be able to do a million things at once (huge exaggeration but you get what I mean :) but I will get to all of that later in this post. So back to when I was in the hospital.
So I think it was the day after I found out I had a stroke, I had tons of people in and out of my room. Drs, nurses, family, friends and of course my beautiful daughter. I forget who was in the room but I started feeling really funny. I started freaking out and I told everyone I felt funny and to get a nurse asap. At this point I only had my vision problem and I thought I was going to deal with that and I would be fine. My right side was acting funny and I felt it in my brain. They rushed me in for another MRI. They told me that the stroke had "continued" itself. Whatever that means. I was thinking, "If you guys knew I had a stroke why didnt you give me anything to stop this continuation?" I felt like the hospital and Drs failed me. From what I remember, they didnt give me any type of blood thinners until after this. I could totally be wrong though. I was so emotional and i just wanted to get out of the hospital. They told me they were going to transfer me by ambulance to another hospital for rehab. (Great another huge bill that isnt covered by my insurance)
I got to the other hospital and I rocked physical therapy (yay me!). They ran a couple cognitive tests and told me I was fine.They didnt even know why I was sent to them. I was released. I didn't realize the extent of my cognitive problems until it was too late because I was told I was fine. I thought "Awesome, I made it and I am fine and I am going home."
I got home and it was back to normal life for everyone but me. I tried really hard to be "normal" again. The day i got home I found out that they removed a bush from outside my daughters bedroom and termites entered my babies room. They were EVERYWHERE. I had to clean it up. yuk, not the first thing I want to do when I get home lol. My ex went back to work, my daughter went back to school and dance and I tried to resume my life the way it was. Well that didn't work out so well.
My ex and I didnt have the greatest relationship. It was actually terrible. He had a horrible temper, horrible. We used to argue over everything. It was no good for my baby to be around either. I knew it but I just didnt have the guts to leave. He always used to tell me that we should stay together for her and i always replied back that we should split for her. She didnt need to see us argue allll the time. I am not saying he was a bad person because he does have a good heart and he loves his daughter so much. We just clashed and the relationship was terrible. I still resent the phone call the day i had the stroke. If I would have listened to him I could be paralyzed or maybe even dead. Thank god I didnt listen. Even though he was a douche when I called him the day i had the stroke, he was definitely in the hospital by my side the entire time I was there. When it came down to it, if I really needed him he was there. I am sorry to say that just wasnt good enough though. The bad definately outweighed the good.
After the stroke I would get these weird sensations. I would smell and taste funny things and my body and brain would feel like I was getting zapped. The Dr made me do an at home EEG (and my god, I looked beautiful! lol) They saw that i was having sensory seizures. My Dr wanted to put me on an anti seizure medication. They already put me on aspirin and a cholesterol med. I didn't want to be on another med that I would have to take for the rest of my life. What the hell else can happen??? Why me? Seizures now? Really? I couldn't handle it all.
No comments:
Post a Comment