mI am starting late today. I have no motivation. I think its because my birthday is coming up. lol I should be happy about it but this year I am just eh. I used to celebrate for a week straight. Now not so much. I guess its just part of getting older. lol I am going to be 35 this year. 35!!!! damn I am getting old lol. This year is the year that the Drs tell me that I can't have babies anymore. Wonderful. Love it. They are already telling me I shouldn't but now it will be official. boo. I am not planning on another child anytime soon but I will be sad to hear that it is no longer an option for me. If I want to have another baby eventually I might just have to say too bad. I am sure it would be possible if I really wanted it.
I have had problems with my right ovary for years. That is the main reason I was put on birth control to begin with. It helped a lot. Now the problem is getting worse and I obviously can't go back on birth control. My OB/GYN told me that if it gets to the point that we have to go in and take a look she refuses to do it. lol She will send me to a robotic specialist. Sounds so awesome right? lol
So back to my story. I moved into this cute apartment over a restaurant overlooking a beautiful lake. it was so quiet and so peaceful. I was literally out in the country. I thought it would be a good place for me and Brianna. I would be able to relax with Brianna and have a happy life. We were happy. We spent a lot of good mommy and daughter time. We laughed and played. I worked and she went to school. She adjusted really well to the new surroundings. The last place was right down the street from her dad so she didnt have to transfer schools, this time she did but she did really well. Her dad hated the move and so did my boyfriend. I lived way too far from them. I did the best with what I had though.
So things are going good until one day I started feeling this pain in my chest. It didn't go away. I think I ended up in the ER. My EKG showed changes. Over the next few weeks (I think) they ran more tests and a cardiac cath. My left anterior descending (LAD) was over 60% blocked. The Dr said that I was really lucky that I paid attention to my body and found it before I had a heart attack. So they discharged me from the hospital after my cardiac cath and set up another cardiac cath to insert a stent.
When you go in for a cardiac cath you have to be AWAKE. WHILE THEY ARE IN YOUR HEART.
Not fun. I had a panic attack on the table for my first one so at the next one I told them they better drug me up way more than the first time. They did and I was fine on the table. They go into your groin and go up into your heart. Amazing the things they can do.
So when they found out about my heart the Dr suggested I move closer to family and friends, especially for my daughter. I was out of work because of the surgeries so here we go again. another move. Why can't I catch a break. I want a stable life. I want to stay in one place with my daughter and live a long happy life with her. Is that really too much to ask?
At this point I have no idea what to expect from my health and no idea where to go with my daughter. My girlfriend offered to have me stay with her and her family until I was stable again. I thanked her and agreed. I had to ask Briannas father to take her for a while until i got back on my feet. I didn't want to give her up after I fought so hard for the both of us. It broke my heart.
I moved in with my girlfriend and her family and it was more than uncomfortable for all of us. It wasn't going to work for long. I went back to work and tried to save money. I was getting written up again. I went back to my neuro and told hr something had to be done. She took me out of work immediately and put me into therapy. WHY DID IT TAKE OVER A YEAR AND A HALF TO GET ME INTO THERAPY? Especially since every time I went unto her office I told her about the problems I was having. Why did it take me telling her I was going to lose my job?
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